30 days.
5040 hours.
& more seconds than i care to figure. . .
that's how much time has passed since November 3rd.
It has flown by & inched, it has had rough spots & moments of joy, & it has been the one thing i thought i could never do, live without my mother. . . . as anyone in my shoes knows, there's not exactly a way to describe what you're feeling, or how you deal with it, or how much you miss her. it just is. & you find people still asking the "so how are you doing?" question. . . with your only attempt at response as "ok." or "i'm dealing with it." or as i sometimes say "everyday is something new, but i'm learning." Because really what you want to say is "I WANT MY MOMMY! that would make it better!"
so everyday I think of something that happens that mom would really enjoy. . . & lately there's been a lot. For example, it snowed. Mom, for whatever reason, loved snow (most of the time), if it snows on Christmas, I'll know she had something to do with it. OR the trees that Mrs. Sullivan (the world's best neighbor) raised money to be planted, mom would have loved those. OR the fact that my absolutely adorable & amazingly intelligent nephew can SPELL! I can't even believe it but mom would have been incredibly proud & bragged to everyone she could. She LOVED the Peoria Santa Clause Parade & would be annoyed that she missed it. The Yule Like Peoria, her favorite day after Thanksgiving tradition, which i totally detested, had perfect weather. Christmas music, everywhere. I don't know why but that woman adored holiday sounds, probably because they drove me nuts, but everytime i hear a silly christmas song, she pops up in my head. (plus i hear her saying: Stefanie Marie! it is December 3rd & the Christmas tree is STILL not up!)
The good news is, she's still everywhere, the sad part is, she's intangible. But my family, who is always lookin out for dad & i, and my friends who make every attempt to keep not just me, but my mind going, are continuing to help make life right now a little bit easier & for them, i am greatful :0)
the "kids" table at Thanksgiving.
dads, aunts, uncles, grandparents. . . you know, the "adults."
& last, but certainly not least, the world's best birthday present (EVER) & the best nephew.
2 comments:
nice post.....sad, but true.
I am happy that you see your mother everywhere you look.
If anything were to happen to me, I hope that my children would/could remember the things that I loved.
Andrea
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